Odd Tangents with Mike
by TheIncredibleDancingBetty
Summary: A series of Mike-based drabbles and oneshots. I basically start with a random idea, then see where it takes me! Sure to be amusing! Rated for safety.
I don't own the TMNT

A/N: This set of drabbles is partly inspired by my Mike romance, My Camouflage is Orange. It is a more serious story, yet when I am writing Mike, I find myself wanting to go off into these odd tangents, only to be unable to use them because they completely clash with the mood of the story. THIS particular chapter was inspired by the catheter commercials that seem to be always running for some reason. I started it out and just let the chapter take me where it wanted to take me. Hope you enjoy it!

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Raph lounged on the chair, reading a magazine while Mike absentmindedly watched TV, sipping a cup of apple juice. The show that he was watching took a commercial break. After a commercial about McDonalds ended, the next started.

 _"Introducing our smooth, eyelit catheter, now with a rounded, lubricated tip..._ "

Pursing his lips, Mike's eyeridges furrowed as he stared at the commercial. The wheels were turning in his head.

Gesturing to the TV, Mike looked at his brother. "Why do they even _need_ this?"

Pausing enough to glance up from his magazine, Raph raised an eyeridge. "What?" He glanced at he commercial, his cheeks shading slightly when he saw the commercial about the urinary catheters. For a brief moment, he considered ignoring the question, but something, a distinct big brotherly feeling, overrode the urge. Looking at his younger brother, he considered how much to tell him. Finally he cleared his throat. "Well...some people...uh...have trouble going...pee...so they need those to...uh..." He flustered deeper, and unconsciously crossed his legs at the conversation topic, but was luckily saved by Mike's interruption.

Rolling his eyes, Mike shook his head. "I know _that!_ " Sensing his brother's discomfort, he grinned but gestured again. "That's not what I'm talking about!"

Feeling upset about his earlier discomfort, and more than a little pissed at uneccessarily embarrassing himelf, Raph glowered at his brother. "Then what the hell are you talking about!"

"The catheters." Mike replied. "Why do they need a polished smooth one?"

Again he felt his cheeks heat slightly. Angrily shaking it off, now half believing that Mike was provoking him on purpose, he shoved the magazine back in front of his face. "Oh, gee, I don't know Mike...so that they won't _hurt_ when you _use_ them?" His sharp words made it clear that the conversation was closed.

"I know that." Mike continued, either not hearing or ignoring the temper in Raph's voice. "But look at what they're saying. Before, apparently they used catheters that weren't smooth, ones that had edges and stuff. I mean, you know where it's going, you know that's a tender area, you would've thought that they would've done a smooth, round catheter to begin with, right? Who thought that an edgy hard one would've been good instead?" Getting up he halfway closed an aye, swinging a fist on a bent arm. "Aye, me laddie matey! Who c -ah -res how these catheters feel! Thee wee wee pain is a fun thing arg!"

Blinking, Raph stared at his brother. "Why are you acting like a Scottish pirate?"

Grinning, Mike shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. Hooks and haggis?"

"Hooks and haggis..."

Smiling wider, Mike nodded. Then he stepped around the living room table, stepping in an exaggerated heel-to-toe manner. Picking up his apple juice cup and swaying as if he was drinking aboard a ship, he copyied the tune to Gilligan's Island theme song, launching into an impromptu tune. "I have me hook and I eat me haggis, while wearing me-e kilt! I sit aboard me cutting class, wooden pirate ship! I be ye doctor, but not so nice! Ye don't want me on yer trip! I invent wee catheter for the wee wee, one that is straight and sharp! Much like me here cutlass, it will-"

Suddenly rolling up the magazine, Raph stood up, shoving the end of it in Mike's nose. "Get out!"

Throwing up his fist, Mike struck a dramatic pose. "Ye'll never take me alive, guv-ner! I be Orange Beard, brother to William Wallace! I be too strong for ye!" Throwing up what he imagined was a celtic battle cry he splashed the apple juice across Raph's face until his infuriated brother dripped with the amber liquid. "Aye! The liquid of the wee wee!"

"You. Are. So. DEAD!"

Splinter opened his rice paper doors at the sound of the crashing, interrupting his meditation session with Leonardo. Looking over his father's shoulder, Leo's eyes furrowed together as he saw an infuriated Raphael chasing Mike, who was for some reason mixing pirate talk with a Scottish accent, giggling while Raph seemed to be hell bent on murdering him. "What's going on in there?"

Lips hitching up in a slight smile, Splinter shook his head and slowly closed the doors once more. "Sometimes, my son, it is better not to ask."

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A/N: I had NO intention for Scottish Pirates to enter the mix here! This is what I meant when I said 'odd tangents.' Please leave me a review and let me know what you think!


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